I haven’t posted on the blog in a while. If I’m being honest, I don’t really know what to write. In the past, I spent so much of my time waiting, wishing, hoping to get pregnant. I wrote to help me deal with things or to keep me positive. I was trying new approaches, meeting new doctors, reading all the things. When I finally found out we were expecting a child, I was at a standstill. I was so used to NOT getting pregnant, that when I found myself on the other side of things, it was foreign territory!
I always imagined being pregnant but I don’t think I ever could even wrap my mind around it actually happening. Even 6.5 months in, I don’t entirely know that I’ve processed what the heck is going on. If you ask me how it’s going or if I love being pregnant, I’ll probably stare at you blankly because Steve still has to convince me that this is even happening. Most of the time I feel like I’m dreaming! (I know I probably need therapy, right?)
I will say that I was so very naive about it all. I didn’t consider the daily worry about yourself and your child and that it starts THE SECOND you get that positive test. Is she growing on track? Is her heart beating? Is what I’m eating good enough? Am I talking too loud? Will sex screw things up? How many times has she moved today? Why does this part of my back hurt? Is that a contraction? How will I know?
What I do know is this – things are happening. In real life! Quicker than I’d like but they are happening and they are my new normal. And even though I’m driving myself crazy most of the time, I kinda love waking up daily to something new that I get to obsess over. Because this is all I ever prayed for. To be here. Yes, my nipples are leaking already, I have zero bladder control when I sneeze and at any given moment in the day I’m forgetting something important. But, every time I pass my reflection, I stop and I marvel. THIS IS ME. This is my body that’s stretching. A human life is growing inside this here belly. A little one who kicks and twirls and stretches and it is just the most amazing thing.
So I guess I do love pregnancy. It’s not this magical, unicorn and rainbow filled thing, but it is something that takes my breath away more times than I can count. And how do you not love that?